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chapter 51
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IF HE NEEDS RESCUING, HE IS STILL A BOY
"Being needed and being loved is as different as muc and chocolate."
We are such suckers when it comes to men with a sob story. He struggles with life because his mother left without a word when he was nine. Ah. So that justifies the violent anger that spews out of him whenever he doesn't get his own way? The reason he drinks and his lifes in a mess is because his wife left him for his best friend five years ago. Five years ago? And we think that's a good enough reason why he still hasn't got his act together and moved on? We mistakenly believe that these broken men just happened to be dealt a bad hand by the universe. And we believe we can make it better too. He needs somebody like me. If he had me to help him, he wouldn't be struggling still.
I can heal him. If you think that, youre more foolish than you realise. And if you dont wake up from this delusion fast, your recycling bin will soon be full up with all the toxic men you keep collecting.
What attracts us to toxic men is our need to feel special. That's our weak spot. That's how needy men hook us on their line. They lavish
compliments on us, tell us how good we make them feel, and our kindly but foolish heart is touched by their vulnerability. We are convinced we are the one they have been waiting for all along. If you find yourself continually being drawn into relationships with men who need fixing, it's because you both have negative patterns that dovetail together nicely. Yours is the need to rescue, and his is the need to be a victim. Together, you slot in beautifully like tongue and groove. You need to rescue because it momentarily makes you feel good about yourself. It distracts you from the real issues that are crying out for attention inside you. He sees himself as a victim because it is much easier than taking responsibility for his own actions and behaviour. You will also find that no matter how long you spoon-feed him, he will never grow up. He will always want his mummy to sort things out for him.
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