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chapter 42
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IF YOU SAY YOU HATE MEN OR WOULD RATHER BE SINGLE, IT'S ONLY BECAUSE YOU'RE HURTING INSIDE
"How do I live each moment totally open as Love, in touch with my innermost soul and giving my deepest gifts to my beloved?"
What we say reflects the story that's going on in our head. When we listen beyond the spoken words, the face value of whats being said, this inner psycho-drama is quickly revealed. So what is really going on when we say that men are bastards, good-for-nothing losers, we hate them and we would rather be single? It shouts in bright, red-blooded letters that we have been deeply hurt by them. It screams of unresolved pain and mistrust towards men. This hostility towards men is a mask to cover up our unhealed wounds in our intimate relationships, past or present, and ultimately the non-loving beliefs we have about ourselves.
We are born to love. In spite of our pain and fear, our need for love will always drive us towards a relationship, no matter how hard we convince ourselves were happier without one. Many of us find relationships challenging at the best of times. Dealing with our own insecurities and neuroses is tiring enough, so coping with our partners hang-ups and problems frustrates us even further. We project our own fear onto the other and see the other as the obstacle to our happiness and joy. Eventually, we stop relating altogether, especially on an intimate level.
This is why some people find loving animals much easier. For a start, they don't argue back, and they always seem grateful for whatever little acts of kindness they get from us. They certainly don't criticise or upset us emotionally, so that makes us relax and be open with them. Animals are great demonstrators of unconditional love, and their consistent affection and openness can be an excellent tonic for our
cautious heart.
After the breakdown of an intense and difficult relationship, its always good and necessary to take time to recover and heal before we jump into the next one. Being on your own will give you the psychic space, to learn from the mess, to take responsibility for your part of the dysfunction, and to clear the debris before you invite the next beloved in. But if a woman insists that she doesn't need to be in an intimate
relationship, while she hates being on her own, its usually because she is afraid of being hurt or let down by a man. Those who say they don't need it are often the ones who need it most. They need the mirror an intimate relationship provides, from which to see their unconscious patterns of non-love towards themselves. Once they clear these unhealthy patterns, they will find intimate relationships uncomplicated and effortless.
Many of us struggle to get on with the man in our life. This is because he is the uncompromising mirror from which we see our hidden fears and self-judgements. He shows us clearly where we have divorced ourselves from our own heart, for to get on with the other is to get on with
oneself. To love and adore the other is devotion towards the sacred within.
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Audio book 'JuicyWoman - A Spiritual Guide to Your Feminine Radiance'
- available October 2010
No time to read? This fantastic life-changing book for women will now be available on CD so you don't miss out on the useful gems in the book just because you're too busy to read.
An ideal present for yourself or your girlfriends.
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